


Some Kind of Grace

by gloatingraccoon



Series: Paid In Full [7]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Gen, Insomnia, Intimacy, Introspection, Polyamory, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 12:13:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloatingraccoon/pseuds/gloatingraccoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are Feferi Peixes and you should feel like the luckiest girl on this world to live with three people you care so much about, and that care about you in turn. And yet, lying here in bed, paralyzed by your own feelings, you can’t help but feel lonely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Kind of Grace

**> Enter name.**

You are **Feferi Peixes** and you are presently trying to get some sleep. Trying being the keyword.

Being out on this new world in the daylight is very weird. You like it, yes, because daylight here is harmless and lets you appreciate the marvels of the land and the sea on a whole new level. But your sleep schedule has gone completely bonkers and the lack of sopor slime does not help. 

Not that you get nightmares. The horrorterrors had told you that leaving Alternia would be enough to lighten the burden on the subconscious of your species, and it was true. You just get common dreams, the ones your Earth friends had told you about. The problem is, you also get memories from time to time.

Memories can be worse than nightmares.

The thought jolts you fully awake just when you felt you were finally dozing off a little, leaving you with burning eyes and your blood pusher thundering in your ribcage. You rub at your face and sigh. The clock on your bedstand tells you you still have a few hours before it’s time to wake up, so maybe you can get some real rest. If only you could close your eyes. The only light in the room comes from the tv in front of your bed: you left it on at a low volume, hoping it would relax you and keep you company, and it’s currently broadcasting some sort of legal drama with salamanders which you can’t tell if it’s a parody or not. The whole house is silent, which doesn’t really surprise you. Eridan is probably sound asleep in his room, while Aradia and Sollux are having a night out. You think they must be back by now, since you have a vague memory of hearing water running from the bathroom and the bed squeaking rhythmically from the other room at some point, but you’re not really sure if it was real or you dreamt of it. And you’re not really sure what you think about it either way. Or about the warmth that fills you at the thought.

You shouldn’t really be thinking about that. Aradia is your moirail and you love her dearly, and you’re happy about her and Sollux. The three of you chose this arrangement and you don’t regret it, no matter how Sollux beats himself up about it now and then. You love him, and he loves you, and it doesn’t really bother you that he loves her the same way. What bothers you is how things got even more complicated than this when Eridan entered the picture, and suddenly you found yourself precisely in Sollux’s shoes and having a much better idea of why he handles this so poorly. You don’t even know why you’re curled up here in bed and thinking about this. You should feel like the luckiest girl on this world to live with three people you care so much about, and that care about you in turn. And yet, lying here in bed, paralyzed by your own feelings, you can’t help but feel lonely.

You have a fleeting idea of putting your dressing gown and sneaking into Eridan’s room to snuggle with him, but you quickly set that aside. You’re too tired to move, and you have no idea how he would react to that. Well, Feferi, what the fuck? You know he would be glad about it. Overjoyed, even, and it wouldn’t be the first time you sleep together. Eridan is quite good to snuggle: not as suffocatingly warm as Sollux, and his body does not feel like a skinny bag of bones waiting to poke you. But it would surely be the first time you sleep together while knowing about his feelings, and you still have to make up your mind on that, and you don’t want him to feel like the backup boy you turn to when Sollux is banging Aradia. Whoa, Feferi, what an awful thing to say. You’re almost as shitty as a friend as you are as a matesprit, and you’re not even doing anything. Maybe you deserve to be alone, have you ever thought of that? They’re just going to be happier without you. Sollux would have Aradia as a matesprit, Eridan as a kismesis, and the latter would be free to find a matesprit that can be his for real. They wouldn’t really need you. Oh good gog now your eyes are actually tearing up, how ridiculous is that?

You must have dozed off a little because you only realize you’re not alone anymore when the door creaks and you feel the weight shift in the bed. You don’t have to turn around to know who it is. Suddenly his warmth is on your back and you shudder as you adjust to it, his skinny arms wrapping around your waist. Sollux nests his head in the crook of your neck, dropping a few light kisses on the exposed skin, and trembling, you slide one hand up to caress his face. He hums happily and squeezes your hand. His hands caress you in turn through your clothes, running over your arms, waist and hips, and then up to brush over your breasts, just barely touching, before going back and resting on your waist. It’s more affectionate than erotic, as if he just wanted to be close to you and cuddle for a while, and you wonder if this is precisely why you enjoy it so much. It’s like you could never be alone anymore. Maybe this balance, this intimacy, this feeling of being both desired and treasured is exactly what you’re missing. You realize he only has his shorts on, which is probably his idea of pajamas, and there’s something different to his smell, a tangy, sweet scent mixing with his sweat.

It takes you a little to realize it’s Aradia’s perfume.

“Love you,” he whispers on your neck, his breath warm on your skin. His hand slips under your top, softly tracing circles on your waist and belly, but like before, it’s just caresses, just skin on warmer skin. He knows you need time to make sense of things between him and Eridan before taking your relationship a step further, and there is a line he won’t cross unless you ask him to. And even if currently your body feels warm and ready, and you’d love to slip top and panties off and let him take your virginity tonight, you know this is not the right time. And you don’t want it to happen like this, with the both of you so tired and sleepy and him smelling like her.

“Love you too,” you whisper back, squeezing his hand, and finally, you can fall asleep.


End file.
